what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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