my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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