bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize