just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
