The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
