I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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