Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
