I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
