just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize