i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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