i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
