I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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