my phone needs a breathalizer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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