Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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