im about as happy as oj after his trial
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize