I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how drunk are you?
Several
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
