i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
