A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They took my balls.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize