is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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