whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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