i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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