grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
