He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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