i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
