remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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