seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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