Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize