I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
