Don't you send me to vm
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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