Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
