just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
