you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
