So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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