I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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