He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
