I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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