apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
