I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
