At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
