The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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