when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
