Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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