I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
