I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
