Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And then he peed in my hair
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