I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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