I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize