omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
