People in love make me want to vomit
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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