It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
