small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
