8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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