I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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