I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
