There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
