Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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