my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
