barbara walters just said penis...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
