woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
