This house was built for laser tag.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
