My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
