My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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