She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
