the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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