Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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